Last week we talked about the flowers in my garden and how flexible, resilient and even ‘stubborn’ they are in the face of harsh weather. We focused in on flexibility as being a key factor for flowers, and also for humans!!
So, this week, I want to focus on resilience.
First off, what IS resilience?
Well, the dictionary will say it is the ability to bounce back from adversity, and also the ability to spring back into shape.
Why is resilience important?
Well, without resilience people can become physically or / and mentally ill. It’s as important as that. Without resilience people tell themselves unhelpful stories. If something “fails” it is their fault, because they are stupid, or made a mistake. If someone is mean to them, they will tell themselves either they deserve it (self-blame), or there is nothing they can do about it (victim).
When this state of affairs continues repeatedly, it will lead to long term problems. Everyone occasionally feels bad about something they said or did. But without having strategies and techniques to move on from that, it can become a pattern and keep them stuck.
With resilience, you can move on from small and large problems; you can overcome trauma; you can find yourself again when something rocks your world, you can spring back into shape like the flowers bent by the driving rain.
So how do you build resilience?
There are a number of things you can do to improve your resilience
- What is very important is to remind yourself that this moment has passed or will pass. What I mean by that is, however bad you feel now. you will not always feel the same way.
- Remind yourself that this crisis is not an insurmountable problem. Nothing (except maybe death) is insurmountable. If you have ever seen Nick Vujicic speak, then you will understand that he is one of the most profound examples of this. If you haven’t seen him speak – then look him up on YouTube.
- Get used to change. Change is one of the few certainties in life, and people who set their face against change are setting themselves up for a life of hard times. Change happens. All the time. Generally, just when you get your ducks in a row. What I mean by that is – you have everything ticking over nicely, and you feel comfortable with that. And BANG. That is when something will happen and things will change. Anticipate it and it won’t take you by surprise.
- Take action. Paralysis is natural in a situation where you are not sure what to do, or how to move forward. Once you take action, any action no matter how small, moving away from the problem, and building our resilience.
- Develop a positive mindset and more importantly, a positive view of yourself. This is key. Resilient people always have a valid sense of their own worth. They know they are not perfect, and they know that is OK. They are happy in their own skin and they are their own best friends.
- Last in this list is building connections. When you have strong relationships, either family, friends or peer group that can help enormously with your resilience depending upon THEIR resilience levels. If your family are a bunch of “glass half empty” people, then you need to find a different group of resilient people. These are the people you can sense check your situation with and who believe in you even when you don’t believe in yourself.
If you have yet to find that bunch of people then head on over to the Find Your Why Foundation where you will find a bunch of resilient people waiting to meet you!