Do you ever think that real success was meant for other people not you?
Maybe you have tried your best to be successful in your business or your career, or in some other area of your life – relationships, hobbies, weight control, health – and you just can’t seem to make progress. The same shit happens again and again and you feel like you are trying to push a big rock up a very steep and never ending hill.
And so you stop. It’s just too painful and it’s never going to work anyway – so why should you keep pushing yourself and making yourself unhappy.
You KNOW you can’t lose weight – you have tried many times. You KNOW you can’t have a successful relationship, it never works out. You KNOW you can never make it big in your business because you have worked your socks of on it to the point of making yourself ill. So you give up.
Your nearest and dearest are happy, because they saw how unhappy being on that diet / in that relationship / working so hard, was making you.
And, even though you secretly feel like a bit of a failure for giving up – you can see how much happier your loved ones are now, so you must be making the right decision…RIGHT? You don’t like being overweight – but you’ve been over weight for ages so you know how to deal with it. You don’t like giving up on another relationship, but you know how it feels to be on your own and you can cope with it. You don’t like giving up on your business / career dreams – but you have been able to get by doing what you are doing now, so that’s fine then.
STOP! The truth is it’s not going to be fine is it?
Your comfort zone is only ‘comforting’ for a while. I like to think of “The Comfort Zone” as a centrally heated room, mmmm cozy and then before you know it you start to feel suffocated and you need some fresh air, to be able to breathe. Oh hang on though what if its too cold out there, what if …..what if….?
If only you knew what was holding you back! You may think you have been doing is sacrificing yourself to keep others happy. But actually what you are really doing is SABOTAGING yourself – setting yourself on fire, and telling yourself the story that you are doing it to keep others warm (or happy).
And the definition of that is “Fear of Success”.
So, What is Fear of Success All About?
I read a very interesting article not long ago in Psychology Today about the fear of success, which offered a really great insight. Apparently, the physical reactions you have to a trauma – increased heart rate and breathing, sweating, flushing, butterflies in your stomach – they are all the same physical symptoms which occur when you are excited (easy tiger..well actually it could be that!) or anticipating something good. Makes sense doesn’t it?
Therefore, if you have experienced something traumatic at any time (and who hasn’t) – your brain can interpret the signals the body is giving towards a positive event or anticipated event, as a negative. So, fear of success can have a physical causality.
So maybe your fear of success is grounded in a past trauma and let me make it clear a trauma could be something that as an adult might not appear to be a big issue.
For example, yesterday I was walking in London when I saw a group of tiny children, maybe 3 or 4 years old and they were all harnessed up together, presumably, to keep them safe. My eye was drawn to the smallest boy who was at the front and to put it bluntly he was clearly petrified (maybe the noise of the traffic, not knowing where he was or the cars that must have looked like huge blocks of metal to him). This could be a trauma that affects him for the rest of his life……but how would we know?
If you have heard me speak about my breakthrough moments (there have been a few) – there is a moment from my childhood where my Mother told me to not let anyone in (the house), keep my front door key a secret and therefore be safe. Good advice for a small child. But as an adult I was still “keeping myself safe” by keeping people out (emotionally) and keeping my important stuff secret. And ‘keeping safe’ conflicts with ‘being successful’. Keeping safe means staying in that comfort zone.
Or it could be that very common thing – fear of change. Because you see, if you were suddenly a lot more successful – things would have to change wouldn’t they? And maybe people wouldn’t like you anymore? Maybe they would be jealous or think you had got ‘above yourself’. Maybe they would have a go at you. Maybe things would have to change.
And your little voice is telling you that even though where you are is not that great – at least you are still alive – so it can’t be that bad. But if you go over there – over to the dark side – which is actually anything but dark – well maybe over there, you won’t survive. Who knows what might happen? Much more sensible to stay where you are.
But, you see, if you allow these voices from the past or from the place of fear, to prevent you from moving forward, to sabotage your success, then you will never live the life you could be living, the life you were meant to live.
Success is your birth right. Which is one of the things we talked a lot about last week at the Live, Love Laugh Retreat. If you would like to understand more about your genetic blueprint – which is the stuff built into your DNA – the unconscious stuff that impacts what you do, think and believe – then drop me a line to firstname.lastname@example.org and I will send you information about the Life Direction Diamond – something which may just change your life!
Meanwhile, remember to Live Love and Laugh every day and continue to be you in your own unique way.