I hear there is a Royal Wedding happening tomorrow? OK, I’m teasing. It’s the biggest thing since….the last royal wedding, and London will be rammed all day – because it is also the FA cup final later in the afternoon.
I won’t be watching it – well not live – as I am coaching public speakers at a conference in London, but I am guessing a big proportion of the UK population will be. And do you know, it almost didn’t happen.
Well – I have to state up front, I don’t have access into the inner sanctums of the royal family, but I know a thing or two about the stories people tell themselves and the positive and (often very) negative effects those stories have on them, and those around them.
Prince Harry lost his Mum at 12. That’s bad enough. He lost her in tragic circumstances. He lost her at a time when his parents marriage had broken down but things were not yet settled into the ‘new’ way things would have eventually settled to be. And he lost her in a very high profile, high visibility manner with everything that came with and after the event.
It would be hard for anyone to cope with that, but more so for a child, a child in the public eye, left without an emotional support system.
He has recently talked about how he ‘coped’ by shutting down his emotions. Of course, that would seem logical to a 12-year-old – “I’m sad, I don’t know what to do about it, emotions are painful, therefore – I just won’t feel any emotions”.
However, as you know – pretending you don’t have emotions is like pretending that the internet didn’t exist. You might wish for it, but it doesn’t make it true. And if you haven’t acknowledged those emotions and allowed yourself to feel them, they won’t just go away. They will wait, like a caged Tiger until someone opens the cage. And then you better watch out.
As Harry said recently – he often felt close to punching someone and he also frequently felt the fight or flight response on official engagements (amongst other problems). So, he took up boxing. Well, that helped him not to hit anyone inappropriately, but it still didn’t deal with the emotion. Like taking a paracetamol for a headache, it helped with the symptoms but did not address the cause of his anger.
Until eventually, and with the encouragement of his brother, he started talk about it. And he realised he was part of a pretty big club. The more he was able to acknowledge, and accept his emotions, and live with them, the more he was determined to help others. And the brothers have now set up Heads Together, a charity to help mental health issues in young people. Very commendable.
And then he met Meghan.
It is my belief that had he NOT done the work on himself before he met her, then they would not now be getting married. When you are in the dark place that he was, it is almost impossible to find or develop lasting meaningful relationships that are not co-dependant or doomed to failure (as you look to the other person to fill the gaping hole in your heart). Now that he has found himself and learned to love himself, he is able to have an equal and loving relationship with someone else.
So – good for you Harry. I hope you and Meghan have a wonderful day and a wonderful life.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from ‘I don’t have emotion-itis ‘ then please encourage them to reach out and speak to someone. It helps. AS does Rapid Transformational therapy, which is very useful in quickly uncovering the reasons for behavioural issues, and equally rapid in sorting them out. Contact me for a free consultation on cheryl@cheryl-chapman.com
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